I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
