I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
