It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
