Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So vagazzling was a success
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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