I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
