You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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