That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
