he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize