Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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