My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
