I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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