Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
