Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
