Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
