i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
