They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize