A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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