david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
