You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
