Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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