I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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