i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
