I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
