Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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