peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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