i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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