did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize