I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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