today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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