do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize