Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
should my penis look like a turkey
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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