Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
