i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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