How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
