Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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