Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
