And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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