I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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