If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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