Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
