I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need water and some morals
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
