Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want to make a zoo with you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
