There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
