I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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