I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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