i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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