Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
