I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
