i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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