FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
