I'm drive I can fine osifer
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
