She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i now understand why vodka
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
