After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
