I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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