At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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