Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
