Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
