god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
