im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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