Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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