overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
