I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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