I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
