Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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