I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
