420 ftw
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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