i just had sex bonerless
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
