yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
