Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
