he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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