She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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