I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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