tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize