Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
