Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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