youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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