i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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